Today I asked Carl if he would put Nathaniel on the ground while I worked. My plan was to watch him as I typed.
Carl didn't return for a while, even though he had work to do, too. Finally I looked for him. He and Nathaniel were sitting just around the corner, playing ball together. It was so sweet I could hardly stand it. I had one of those moments where I just realized that Nathaniel won't be so little for very long, so I had better treasure it. I have a few of those moments I've tried to tattoo on my heart. I treasure them all.
Just now I was trying to get Nathaniel to go to sleep. Over the past few days, he's done this thing where he gets super tired--you can tell from the circles under his eyes and how he rubs his eyes with his hands--but he cries if I try to nurse him down to sleep. So it takes some effort now. We turn off all the lights, and I snuggle him and try to nurse him in the complete darkness.
Just now I was getting a little frustrated, because he was clearly very tired but he just wanted to be going! going! going! I looked at the time and said I would try to nurse him for 15 minutes and if he were still awake after that, I would give up and turn on the lights and finish everything up with him awake.
Lo and behold, four minutes later he was sound asleep. He is sleeping beside me this very moment. I need to remember that he is a total n00b to being alive here. He doesn't know how to handle his body. I have to help him learn things even as simple as going to sleep at proper times. I have to be patient with him.
Here, you should read this great essay from my friend Lanette on being a mom.
Over and out.
Showing posts with label attachment parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label attachment parenting. Show all posts
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
the worth of souls
The other night, I visited a friend and her mom. They asked how many kids I wanted. I said four or five (even though I wouldn't mind more. Or fewer). The mom looked shocked and asked why, if I felt like a particularly maternal person or something.
I told her that no, not really. I don't FEEL particularly maternal. Even though I've had roommates in college that would call me "Mom." She asked if I really like kids or something. The fact is, I don't like kids anymore than I like anyone else. I gave this really bizarre answer that even confused me, but this is what I MEANT to say:
I want a bunch of kids, biological or otherwise, because the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. That idea has colored everything about the way I view the world. It's not that I love kids: it's that I love people. And the best way to influence people is to influence children. A person's youth can define them for the rest of his or her life. And every person deserves a childhood that is full of love and security and peace. If I can provide that, I want to. And I want to do that for as many people as I can.
That's what I meant to say.
I told her that no, not really. I don't FEEL particularly maternal. Even though I've had roommates in college that would call me "Mom." She asked if I really like kids or something. The fact is, I don't like kids anymore than I like anyone else. I gave this really bizarre answer that even confused me, but this is what I MEANT to say:
I want a bunch of kids, biological or otherwise, because the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. That idea has colored everything about the way I view the world. It's not that I love kids: it's that I love people. And the best way to influence people is to influence children. A person's youth can define them for the rest of his or her life. And every person deserves a childhood that is full of love and security and peace. If I can provide that, I want to. And I want to do that for as many people as I can.
That's what I meant to say.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Baby D and the Eye Infection
Ever since he was born, Baby D has had eye problems. Mostly just green gooeys, which I figured were normal. Over time, the gooeys dried up and stopped being a problem--in the right eye. Three days ago, though, his left eye got way worse.
When I saw "way worse," I mean that he had so many gooeys that unless I was washing them off his eyes every hour or so, he couldn't open his eye because his lashes were glued to his cheek. Also in the mornings he would wake up with just a giant encrusted line of green goop, dried, on his lashline. Poor kid.
But this morning it seems to have cleared up. Here is what I did:
1. Prayed
2. Dripped breastmilk into his eye every time we breastfed, and also used it on tissues and cotton balls to clean out the goopies
3. Massaged his tear duct every time we nursed (I tried to at other times, but he wouldn't hold still--but given a choice between nursing and having his tear duct rubbed or not nursing and not getting it rubbed, he picked nursing)
I will say that we only started the tear duct massage yesterday morning after some Google research, but it seems to have worked.
Yesterday I took him over to my mom's house so she could see him, and while he was sitting in his little chair his eyes got all goopy. So I used a tissue to wipe all the goo away. He didn't cry or anything, and he didn't really move that much. My mom noted this and said, "He trusts you."
That kind of melted my heart a little bit. She's right. This baby does trust me. Every time he gets goo in his nose I grab the nose bulb and suction it out. He hates it but he'll just look in my eyes and hold still while I do it, despite. I'm so glad he knows, at the tender age of, what? eleven weeks, that I only do things he hates because they're good for him.
That level of trust has come from a bunch of things: our breastfeeding relationship in which I feed him with my own body every time he shows signs of hunger (I try to catch it before he has to cry). Our bedsharing that means we basically cuddle all night long and he never has to be cold or lonely or scared or hungry in the night. Our showers together. How promptly I try to change his diaper (he hates being wet there so much!). How I carry him all the time, either in my arms or in a sling or wrap, so he never has to be lonely or bored.
And really, all those things have made my life infinitely easier. He rarely cries, because he never really needs to. It makes things way less stressful around here. I'm so glad I stumbled across natural parenting. It has been a real blessing.
When I saw "way worse," I mean that he had so many gooeys that unless I was washing them off his eyes every hour or so, he couldn't open his eye because his lashes were glued to his cheek. Also in the mornings he would wake up with just a giant encrusted line of green goop, dried, on his lashline. Poor kid.
But this morning it seems to have cleared up. Here is what I did:
1. Prayed
2. Dripped breastmilk into his eye every time we breastfed, and also used it on tissues and cotton balls to clean out the goopies
3. Massaged his tear duct every time we nursed (I tried to at other times, but he wouldn't hold still--but given a choice between nursing and having his tear duct rubbed or not nursing and not getting it rubbed, he picked nursing)
I will say that we only started the tear duct massage yesterday morning after some Google research, but it seems to have worked.
Yesterday I took him over to my mom's house so she could see him, and while he was sitting in his little chair his eyes got all goopy. So I used a tissue to wipe all the goo away. He didn't cry or anything, and he didn't really move that much. My mom noted this and said, "He trusts you."
That kind of melted my heart a little bit. She's right. This baby does trust me. Every time he gets goo in his nose I grab the nose bulb and suction it out. He hates it but he'll just look in my eyes and hold still while I do it, despite. I'm so glad he knows, at the tender age of, what? eleven weeks, that I only do things he hates because they're good for him.
That level of trust has come from a bunch of things: our breastfeeding relationship in which I feed him with my own body every time he shows signs of hunger (I try to catch it before he has to cry). Our bedsharing that means we basically cuddle all night long and he never has to be cold or lonely or scared or hungry in the night. Our showers together. How promptly I try to change his diaper (he hates being wet there so much!). How I carry him all the time, either in my arms or in a sling or wrap, so he never has to be lonely or bored.
And really, all those things have made my life infinitely easier. He rarely cries, because he never really needs to. It makes things way less stressful around here. I'm so glad I stumbled across natural parenting. It has been a real blessing.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
why i love cosleeping
I mentioned in my last post how so many people freak out when they find out about our bedsharing.
I urge you to read this article and if you don't have time for that one, this article. To sum them both up a little bit, examine the following quotations from the first article:
Anyway. Basically I feel that, having done the research, bedsharing is really the way to go, at least for my family. We don't do drugs. We don't smoke. Our mattress is firm. We breastfeed.
I love our sleeping arrangements. I never have to worry about how Nathaniel is doing because I can just look at him in the night if I wake up. If he's hungry, I can read the signs before he even wakes up and I can nurse on my side. He sleeps while he eats and I doze until he's done. I can monitor his temperature easily, and turn up or down the ceiling fan if he seems uncomfortable--not to mention that when he is so close to me, our biology means that his body attunes to mine for temperature regulation and breathing. My breaths cue his; my temperature influences his.
When he has gas in the night, as he has every night this past week, I can help bicycle his legs, or rub his tummy, or supervise a quick nighttime tummy time to get out all the gas so he can get back to sleep.
Don't knock it til you rock it--or at least do the research. Seriously, check out that first article. It is a scholarly article through the University of Notre Dame entitled "Why babies should never sleep alone: A review of the co-sleeping controversy in relation to SIDS, bedsharing and breast feeding" (the second article I linked discusses this first scholarly article). Essentially, bedsharing can be very safe--as long as you follow the precautions. But there are too many variables to recommend bedsharing for everyone.
Overall, we personally both sleep better because of it. I honestly believe that Nathaniel gets the best, most, and safest sleep within a foot of my person. I'm sure he believes that too. Bedsharing isn't for everyone, and I'm not trying to say that it should be. My parents definitely didn't bedshare and I turned out all right (right? or maybe this means you SHOULD bedshare! :^P). But I'm so glad I stumbled across the blogs of women who were brave enough to admit that they cosleep like this. When our culture is so set against it, reading the accounts of other women who bedshare really opened up my mind to it and I'm so glad I did.
So this is me sharing my account of my bedsharing choices. I imagine I would be far more stressed and tired if my baby were in a separate room in a separate bed, and his only chance of waking me up to feed him, or comfort him if he were lonely or scared of the dark or fussy from gas, was to scream for me. For me personally, this is the way to go--and I never would have known it except for a few brave bedsharing bloggers. This is me joining their ranks.
I urge you to read this article and if you don't have time for that one, this article. To sum them both up a little bit, examine the following quotations from the first article:
Mother–infant co-sleeping represents the most biologically appropriate sleeping arrangement for humans and is both ancient and ubiquitous simply because breast feeding is not possible, nor as easily managed, without it.
***
Most USA and other western infants die from SIDS or from fatal accidents during solitary sleep outside the supervision of a committed adult. Moreover, the overwhelming number of suspected accidental overlays or fatal accidents occur not within breast feeding–bedsharing communities but in urban poverty, where multiple independent SIDS risk ‘factors’ converge and bottle feeding rather than breastfeeding predominates.
***
Surely, the fact that in Japan safe bedsharing and futon co-sleeping is increasing as SIDS rates decline to unprecedented levels should raise some doubts about any singular or predictable positive association between bedsharing and SIDS rates. Moreover, data on recent Asian immigrants in the USA lead to an interesting observation: the longer different Asian immigrant sub-groups live in the USA and presumably begin to adopt American life styles, including placing their infants in cribs for night-time sleep rather than co-sleeping, the more the SIDS rates of these ethnic groups begin to rise to match the higher rates of SIDS among whites.
****
Almost all SIDS deaths associated with parental bedsharing occurred in conjunction with a history of parental drug use and occurred in association with the prone [on the tummy instead of on the back] sleep position or sleep surfaces such as a couch or waterbed.
Anyway. Basically I feel that, having done the research, bedsharing is really the way to go, at least for my family. We don't do drugs. We don't smoke. Our mattress is firm. We breastfeed.
I love our sleeping arrangements. I never have to worry about how Nathaniel is doing because I can just look at him in the night if I wake up. If he's hungry, I can read the signs before he even wakes up and I can nurse on my side. He sleeps while he eats and I doze until he's done. I can monitor his temperature easily, and turn up or down the ceiling fan if he seems uncomfortable--not to mention that when he is so close to me, our biology means that his body attunes to mine for temperature regulation and breathing. My breaths cue his; my temperature influences his.
When he has gas in the night, as he has every night this past week, I can help bicycle his legs, or rub his tummy, or supervise a quick nighttime tummy time to get out all the gas so he can get back to sleep.
Don't knock it til you rock it--or at least do the research. Seriously, check out that first article. It is a scholarly article through the University of Notre Dame entitled "Why babies should never sleep alone: A review of the co-sleeping controversy in relation to SIDS, bedsharing and breast feeding" (the second article I linked discusses this first scholarly article). Essentially, bedsharing can be very safe--as long as you follow the precautions. But there are too many variables to recommend bedsharing for everyone.
Overall, we personally both sleep better because of it. I honestly believe that Nathaniel gets the best, most, and safest sleep within a foot of my person. I'm sure he believes that too. Bedsharing isn't for everyone, and I'm not trying to say that it should be. My parents definitely didn't bedshare and I turned out all right (right? or maybe this means you SHOULD bedshare! :^P). But I'm so glad I stumbled across the blogs of women who were brave enough to admit that they cosleep like this. When our culture is so set against it, reading the accounts of other women who bedshare really opened up my mind to it and I'm so glad I did.
So this is me sharing my account of my bedsharing choices. I imagine I would be far more stressed and tired if my baby were in a separate room in a separate bed, and his only chance of waking me up to feed him, or comfort him if he were lonely or scared of the dark or fussy from gas, was to scream for me. For me personally, this is the way to go--and I never would have known it except for a few brave bedsharing bloggers. This is me joining their ranks.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
why we chose attachment parenting
Nathaniel has slept so strangely tonight I just can't sleep. Strangely in a mostly good way--he went to sleep at 11 pm and has only gotten up once to nurse. But that's unusual, and my body is up, and so I'm blogging at 5:30 in the morning.
I've been meaning to blog about attachment parenting for a while. It's something I randomly discovered online while I was pregnant, and I am so glad I did.
Attachment parenting has seven basics, seven B's:
We did the whole birth bonding thing, and now we've been doing breastfeeding for a full 10 weeks. I wear Baby D pretty frequently in slings and my Moby wrap, and we co-sleep. I always try to remember that he only cries because he needs something, and I find myself ever more wary of those who say to put my baby on a schedule, or let him cry it out, or whatever. I feel great about all these choices, and I think Carl does too.
I picked attachment parenting after a lot of incidental research. I first stumbled across the idea on a random blog my friend sent me to on a day we were both bored. From there, I researched it a lot. For me, right now, this seems like the perfect parenting style. It addresses everything I didn't like about how I was raised, and in a way that I feel is easy and instinctive.
Breastfeeding was hard for the first few weeks, but every day it gets easier and it is one thing I truly cherish about my relationship with my baby. I feel like I wouldn't know him as well as I do without that.
A lot of people gasp in abject horror when they find out that our baby sleeps in our bed with us, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My body has been so attuned to his from the very beginning that there is no chance I would ever roll onto him. It was a million times harder to sleep when he was apart from me, in the hospital.
Attachment parenting isn't a checklist of steps to do or anything like that; it's a guide, or an approach to parenting that is all about helping your kids form an attachment to you.
To me, it's about helping my baby establish trust. I want him to always know that he can come to me and I will help him. To me, that means not pushing him away if he comes to me in the middle of the night with a nightmare when he's older. It means nurturing him with loving touch even when he's not a baby anymore. And right now, it means keeping him close to me always. My body is his natural habitat right now. I am his only source of nutrition, I am the one who reads his cries for what they are, and I am the one who changes and washes all those diapers. I am his safety.
I think we all like it that way.
I've been meaning to blog about attachment parenting for a while. It's something I randomly discovered online while I was pregnant, and I am so glad I did.
Attachment parenting has seven basics, seven B's:
1. Birth bonding (bonding with the baby immediately after birth)
2. Breastfeeding
3. Babywearing
4. Bedding near the baby
5. "Belief in the language value of your baby's cry"
6. "Beware of baby trainers"
7. Balance
We did the whole birth bonding thing, and now we've been doing breastfeeding for a full 10 weeks. I wear Baby D pretty frequently in slings and my Moby wrap, and we co-sleep. I always try to remember that he only cries because he needs something, and I find myself ever more wary of those who say to put my baby on a schedule, or let him cry it out, or whatever. I feel great about all these choices, and I think Carl does too.
I picked attachment parenting after a lot of incidental research. I first stumbled across the idea on a random blog my friend sent me to on a day we were both bored. From there, I researched it a lot. For me, right now, this seems like the perfect parenting style. It addresses everything I didn't like about how I was raised, and in a way that I feel is easy and instinctive.
Breastfeeding was hard for the first few weeks, but every day it gets easier and it is one thing I truly cherish about my relationship with my baby. I feel like I wouldn't know him as well as I do without that.
A lot of people gasp in abject horror when they find out that our baby sleeps in our bed with us, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My body has been so attuned to his from the very beginning that there is no chance I would ever roll onto him. It was a million times harder to sleep when he was apart from me, in the hospital.
Attachment parenting isn't a checklist of steps to do or anything like that; it's a guide, or an approach to parenting that is all about helping your kids form an attachment to you.
To me, it's about helping my baby establish trust. I want him to always know that he can come to me and I will help him. To me, that means not pushing him away if he comes to me in the middle of the night with a nightmare when he's older. It means nurturing him with loving touch even when he's not a baby anymore. And right now, it means keeping him close to me always. My body is his natural habitat right now. I am his only source of nutrition, I am the one who reads his cries for what they are, and I am the one who changes and washes all those diapers. I am his safety.
I think we all like it that way.
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