excited for conference!!

Conference is in a mere hour and half. Yay! Excited for it. There've been a lot of things I've been pondering in my life and I'm hoping to receive some instruction on those matters today and tomorrow. You can watch Conference online here if you want to know what it's all about.

In other news, my newest novel now has 22,000 words on it. It's pretty fun.

Nathaniel is getting sillier and sillier. He's way fun to play with. Lately it's been hard because he hasn't been getting enough sleep--every day this week we've had something right during his two naptimes, so he didn't sleep, and then he didn't sleep at night. But yesterday he got in two full naps and went to bed at 7 (YAY!). Here's to another day just like yesterday!

carseat drama

Nathaniel just outgrew his old carseat, and so today I went out and got him a new one.

At the store, I called the DH and he talked me into getting a cheap one.

I bought it, took it home, and HATED IT WITH THE FIERY PASSION OF A THOUSAND BURNING SUNS. I couldn't even fix the straps. After an hour of that, I gave up and called the store in tears (yes! IT MADE ME CRY) and asked if I could return it for the next model up.

The store said sure, but that unfortunately they couldn't give me the next-best model, since they were all out. They'd just have to give me the nicest model instead, at the price of the next-best model.

Darn.

So anyway, several hours later, I have a way nicer carseat. Personally, I feel endebted to God for making the whole thing work out, but you can attribute this fantastic twist of fate to whomever you like, I guess.

...PS, don't skimp on carseats. That's what I learned today.

writing. sickness. guitar.

1. WRITING. Yesterday I broke my previous writing record. The old record was 10,000 words in one day, set in July of 2008 while I was sick with the flu. Yesterday, I wrote a whopping 12,000 words. WHOOHOO! I was on a roll, yo! I never write on Sundays (I mean on my novels--clearly I blog and journal and email and stuff), so I'm trying not to think about my novel until tomorrow when I can jump back into it.

This is the first novel I've ever:

- Plotted out fully in advance, beginning to end, and
- Refrained from ambitious plot twists in.

The story is straightforward. If I had to write a pitch for it...

Lena Clark is sure that nothing exciting will ever happen to her, and she's okay with that. Despite herself, she's blown away when she meets Nick, a handsome newcomer to her small Colorado town. As they get to know each other, Lena realizes that things with Nick are not what they seem, and that his past--whatever it is--is still haunting his present. And as her life and his begin to intertwine, she discovers that his secrets may lead both of them to untimely deaths.

So far it has 26 single-spaced pages. If it were in a printed book form, that would be... 53 pages. Word count's at 13,200 right now. I'm aiming at making it 65,000 words in total. If I can squeeze out 12,000 words every day (yeah, right) that would put me finishing the first draft by Saturday! How sweet would that be!

Judging by my outline alone, my outline originally had 37 scenes/plot points. Yesterday I wrote up 12 of them, for an average of each point taking up a little over 1,000 words. I'll have to flesh out a lot of scenes, I guess, to hit my goal for the novel overall.

I'm very excited about this book.

2. SICKNESS Carl spent the weekend ill, starting on Friday. He was sicker than I have ever seen him. Poor guy. Over the past two days, he's probably eaten maybe 500 calories. A bowl of Lucky Charms and four Saltines. He felt well enough to go to bishopric meeting this morning, where he is now. I hope he continues to get better--and that Nathaniel and I don't get what he had. Yuck.

3. GUITAR. Yesterday I decided to practice my guitar. I don't do that too often now, sadly. But I pulled it out, and found my old lyrics blog (not linking! but maybe someday) and practiced some of my old songs. I was superoverjoyed to realize that I could remember several songs I haven't played in years, and never recorded. I decided that I will for sure have to use my flip to record these songs and stick 'em on teh youtubes.

In other news, I realized this morning that I haven't restrung my darling guitar since before I met my husband. This is no good. We've been married for three years, dated for a year before that, and flirted for months before that. My poor guitar is going on five years of the same strings. No wonder they sound so weird.

repentance, forgiveness, and grace

Yesterday I breached a friend's trust.

Today, I felt super guilty about it.

I just emailed him asking for forgiveness. But I still feel like a total jerk.

Several times I've had the interesting fortune to converse with non-LDS Christian friends about grace. A lot of non-Mormons seem to think that Mormons believe that we somehow "earn" heaven or something. That is not what we believe.

I loved this essay on the LDS view of grace by Brad Wilcox. Here's an excerpt that means a lot to me right this moment:

Elder Bruce C. Hafen (BA ’66) has written, “The great Mediator asks for our repentance not because we must ‘repay’ him in exchange for his paying our debt to justice, but because repentance initiates a developmental process that, with the Savior’s help, leads us along the path to a saintly character” (The Broken Heart [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1989], p. 149; emphasis in original).

Elder Dallin H. Oaks (BS ’54) has said, referring to President Spencer W. Kimball’s explanation, “The repenting sinner must suffer for his sins, but this suffering has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change” (The Lord’s Way [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1991], p. 223; emphasis in original). Let’s put this in terms of our analogy: The child must practice the piano, but this practice has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change.

I have born-again Christian friends who say to me, “You Mormons are trying to earn your way to heaven.”

I say, “No, we are not earning heaven. We are learning heaven. We are preparing for it (see D&C 78:7). We are practicing for it.”

They ask me, “Have you been saved by grace?”

I answer, “Yes. Absolutely, totally, completely, thankfully—yes!”

Then I ask them a question that perhaps they have not fully considered: “Have you been changed by grace?” They are so excited about being saved that maybe they are not thinking enough about what comes next. They are so happy the debt is paid that they may not have considered why the debt existed in the first place. Latter-day Saints know not only what Jesus has saved us from but also what He has saved us for. As my friend Brett C. Sanders (BS ’00) puts it, “A life impacted by grace eventually begins to look like Christ’s life.” As my friend Omar Canals shared with me, “While many Christians view Christ’s suffering as only a huge favor He did for us, Latter-day Saints also recognize it as a huge investment He made in us.” As Moroni puts it, grace isn’t just about being saved. It is also about becoming like the Savior (see Moro. 7:48).

Making mistakes is inevitable, but Christ paid for all of our mistakes. Through His Atonement, with His help, we are able to change and become more like Him. "Learn heaven," if you will. Become the kind of people who belong in God's presence.

Argh. Clearly I have a long way to go. But I'm grateful for repentance, for the Atonement, for Christ's grace and for the gift of prayer. And I'm grateful for my friend.

UPDATE: Another friend posted about this same kind of idea just a bit ago. I thought it was a good thought.

baby is allergic to stuff

Nathaniel has had a bunch of allergic reactions to things in the past few days. The dust from these Gerber Zesty Tomato crunchies makes him break out in hive-like rashes every where it touches. His face got all hive-y, and then he dropped a crunchy on his leg and he broke out there, too, within maybe a minute?It happened very quickly.

Then the next day I gave him approximately 1/10 of an m&m, and that made him break out, too, with a hive-like rash on his lips. Like, ON his lips. So sad! And then he cried when I wouldn't give him any more.

He tried some cheese bread that same day, and upon tasting it his cheek and chin turned hot pink.

I think it is probably dairy related? Milk or whey or casein or something? Someone suggested it might be a sensitivity to food dye? The garden crunchies are reddish, the m&m was blue, and the cheese bread, as far as I know, had no food dye in it. Maybe he's sensitive to three separate things. Who knows?

Any ideas?

random updates

Hi blogosphere! Nathaniel is eight months old!

Nathaniel updates:

- Nathaniel is a crawling fiend. Fortunately, he hasn't quite figured out how to do stairs--hooray! So for now, I'm just grateful that my house has so many levels.

- He has 2 teeth and a third one is on the brink of pushing on through.

- When he does something bad, I call out "NO" really loud and mean sounding. He thinks it's funny and he laughs at me with his tongue hanging out. It's so cute that I can hardly help myself and I start to laugh. It's really not a good thing.

- He loves to open drawers and cabinets.

- He figured out how to make these funny Indian sounds with his fist in his mouth. I need to record it and stick it up on here.

- He is just about ready to move into 12-month clothes--and all his 12-month clothes are wintery! He has a million snowman sweaters and fuzzy pants, and it's like 80 degrees outside! Right now my big plan is to just put him in onesies and socks when it's hot out. That's okay, right?


Carl updates:

- Carl got a raise at work!

- All the money from his raise will go towards paying for gas so he can actually get to work.

- He's been working hard on his novel.


Me updates:

- I finally got back to my college measurements. Actually, I think I am smaller--even my junior-sized clothes from high school are too big, as I just discovered in trying to find shorts to wear in the warm weather. Yay!

- Made homemade laundry detergent last week and I really like it. Will post more on that later.

- Also been writing a bunch.


That's pretty much our lives.

way cool infographic

Loved this. Very informative.

Source: mormonnewsroom.org via Allie on Pinterest

leftovers recipe: chicken and cauliflower

Last night I had to make dinner. I only thought about it about 45 minutes until dinner was needed, so it had to be quick. I had to use a bunch of leftover chicken. Bonus points for using leftover cauliflower that had been blanched and then drenched in cheese (the cauliflower doesn't reheat well, so it's rarely eaten as a leftover).

Normally, I use leftover chicken for chicken alfredo lasagna. But we were missing about half of the other ingredients for that.

So I made up this fun dish, which I guess you could call Leftover Chicken and Cauliflower Pasta. Or something like that.

I cut up the leftover chicken and the leftover cauliflower and heated it up with just a little bit of oil. I added some garlic and crushed red pepper. Then, after everything was heated through, I added a can of cream of mushroom soup. Then I rinsed the can out with milk, adding the milk to the mixture.

Brought it to boiling, then reduced the heat and let it keep cooking until the pasta was done.

Then I put them together.

It was great.

I think next time I would add more red pepper and garlic, and I might use a can of condensed cream of chicken soup instead of cream of mushroom. But it was a good meal and only took something like 20 minutes? Not bad!

on willpower

In college I had a fantastic roommate. Actually, I had bunches of fantastic roommates, but I'm thinking of one in particular, whom I shall call L.

L was--and still is--an inspiration to me. All the time. Always.

One thing that struck me about her was her incredible willpower. She would decide to do something, and BAM. She was going to get it done. Once that decision was made, she followed through. Every time.

L was extra great because not only did she have incredible willpower, but she also encouraged me to have the same. She knew about my goals and she would invite me to come along with her, so we would both accomplish the things we wanted to. But at the time, I was too silly to realize what she was doing. In my mind, she was only able to do that stuff because she had willpower, a unique gift only given to that rare few, and I just didn't have it.

Now, I realize the truth: willpower is just another word for self-control.

And self-control is another word for self-discipline.

And what self-discipline means is that you discipline yourself.

In other words:

Willpower is a trait you develop in yourself through practice.

Now, maybe this is obvious, but it wasn't to me. I only just barely figured it out. But isn't it liberating?

It's a depressing thing, to realize that you and not your genetics are responsible for your willpower or lack thereof. But it's an empowering thing too. Because that means you can change it about yourself. If you see yourself as being weak-willed or spineless, lacking in willpower, well: good news! You can change that! You just need to practice!

Over the past few months, I've been working on developing my willpower, one workout at a time. One meal at a time. One day at a time. But I believe I have a stronger will now than I did at the beginning.

I wanted to share this because I feel like it's a potentially life-changing revelation. It is for me, anyway. In my life, there are so many things I would like to have done, and what kept me back was a lack of action that I blamed on a lack of willpower.

Now I know the truth: I have as much willpower as I want to have, and I access it with practice and work.

baby is CRAZY

Last night Nathaniel did that thing again where he screams in his sleep. Totally asleep and screaming. Makes no sense. He did it from 11:30 pm until 6 am. We have been incredibly blessed in that this is only the 2nd time he's really bothered to scream at night at all, but MAN.

Then today, he went down for his normal morning nap at 10:30. And then woke up at 10:46, ready to go. Sixteen minutes of napping.

????????

He's been crazy all morning since, and now, at 2:50 pm, he just went down again. We'll see how long this nap lasts. Normally he sleeps for 11 hours at night, then takes 2-3 naps that total another 4-5 hours. He should be on his third or fourth hour of napping for the day, but he's on his first.

His tired circles have tired circles have tired circles. Seriously, there are three layers of tired circles on his baby face.

??????

What is his deal??

I'll let you know when I find out. Time for some internet sleuthing, I guess.

so productive

Today is a PRODUCTIVE DAY! Capital letters for capital productivity. Or something.

To be honest, I probably haven't done that much. We're on the 2nd load of laundry out of 3; I mopped the kitchen and cleaned the counters; did the dishes; picked up some random stuff from Freecycle that will come in handy once I try making my own laundry detergent (later this week, hopefully); and yeah, maybe that's all I did. Oh well. Oh, I chopped up all the vegetables I got from the store, so we will be more likely to eat them.

I've found that if I just buy vegetables, often they go to waste. But if I buy them and then come home and actually prepare them--chop up the carrots into carrot sticks; dice the peppers up for omelets or tacos--then they actually get eaten. So I try to build in some time to prepare that food right away. I forgot on Saturday but now we are set!

Anyway, I was just feeling so good about being so productive, I had to tell someone. Blogosphere, you are that someone.

my baby is buff

I decided to switch my workouts up. Instead of doing Insanity only, I've added in Jillian's 30-day Shred. The 30DS uses weights, so I've brought mine out. I only have 5-lb handweights, and they're too light for me now, but I use them anyway out of principle.

Anyway, two nights ago Nathaniel was chilling with me as I was working out, and it got to the cardio section of the workout and I put my weights down. Always wanting to copy his mama, he crawled on over and started messing with the weights. He was actually able to drag one partway across the room with him as he crawled.

I think it's safe to say my 7-month-old is buff. Considering I know babies older than him that can't even scoot, and he's crawling with 5-lb weights and all. But then again, I think he's always been buff.

It's because his bones were made to be Dorito strong.

Breitbart is gone??

Just received word that Andrew Breitbart has passed from this life to the next.

I am in utter shock.

This is one of those moments--

memento mori.

Remember, you will die.

Breitbart has long been one of my greatest inspirations. I have loved him for years. I have loved his work. His passion. Ah, his passion--he was a warrior. The happiest of warriors. He fought with everything he had. And he did it so well. Once he figured out what he believed, he stuck to it.

I hope in my life, I can be like him in that regard. What an inspiration he is, in taking his beliefs and fighting for them with tooth and nail. He had such enemies! But how do you gain an enemy without doing something worthwhile? The worst way to die would be for no one to care. In the case of Andrew's passing, there are thousands of us mourning his death--and thousands more rejoicing, reveling in their hatred. When someone like Keith Olbermann hates you, you know you're doing something right.

Enjoy this video of Andrew's haters, courtesy of some of my old pals:



Andrew is a hero for everything he has done for America. I had no idea I would be so affected by his death. But it's like he was my friend--and in a very real way, he was. He spent his life fighting for me. That's what friends do.

If you're a hater, please take your hate elsewhere. I know that about 50% of people hate Andrew--and if you're one of them, go simmer in your hatred somewhere that isn't my comment section.

Love you, Andrew. Rest in peace. I pray for your family. <3