comfortable.

Change is hard.

I had the revelation before: your life changes ONLY when YOU CHANGE. But change is easier talked about than done.

I've thought about it a lot--thought about why I am not changing as quickly as I wish I were. And for a moment, I told myself it was because I was comfortable how I was.

But it was a lie, and I was lying to myself.

Comfortable?

Let's be real:

No, I am not comfortable still weighing 10 lbs more than I wish I did.

No, I am not comfortable knowing that my house is not as orderly as it should be.

No, I am not comfortable eating food I know is bad for me.

No, I am not comfortable wasting my time when I know I should be productive.

None of those things make me "comfortable." There is no comfort in knowing that I am not living up to my own standards.

I am not comfortable in my current life. But my current life is familiar, which is not better. I am not comfortable, but I am enhabited. Is that even a word? Blogger says no. But I'm making it up with my poetic license. I have embraced habits that I know are not good for me, and now I have to change them. It's hard to change them not because I am comfortable with them, because I'm not--it's hard to change them because they are a part of me now.

A part that I really dislike.

It really is true: the difference between who you want to be and who you are is what you do. And you have control over what you do. It doesn't always feel like that, because habits can be so entrenched into us--but we still have the power to change. We always do. It is rarely easy but it is possible.

So I'm changing what I do. I'm changing how I spend my time and I'm liking my life a lot better now. I still have a ways to go but every effort helps.