Yes, I'm procrastinating. But I decided that a nice way to procrastinate would be to let you all know what Baby D is up to.
He learned how to crawl on Valentine's day, and by that Friday (three days later) he was pulling to stand on everything he could find, and cruising. Now he is a master at pulling to stand. He wants to stand always, all the time, without exception--which is annoying when we have to change his diaper.
We'd started disposable-diapering while we were on vacation in California for Christmas, and then we got home and I was sick for like the next month (and not feeling the near-daily loads of laundry), but we just got him back in his cloth diapers and that's been nice.
He loves to play with newspaper, which is convenient because I keep a stack of it in the room where I work out every day. So he just crawls on over and starts tearing it apart while we exercise.
He blabs all the time, with emotion. He uses his eyebrows when he talks, too. I wish we could understand what he's trying to say.
I gave him another haircut on Sunday, to get rid of his new Gollum hairs and his rat tail. He looks much more clean cut now that his hair doesn't break the BYU Honor Code.
He's been sick on and off for the past three weeks, but he's finally just about over it, I think.
He's started eating solids almost daily. My mom is fanatic about forcing food on the kid, so at dinnertime he always has a pile of Cheerios and teddy grahams and pretzels and whatever in front of him (and then, under him). He doesn't swallow a whole lot, but he licks a lot of things.
He also enjoys licking the bricks on our fireplace (??). I used to discourage that, but he does it so much I've given up. If my child wants to lick bricks, well! By all means--lick those bricks, kid! Whatever.
I took some more videos of him the other day that I need to post. I'll get on that the next time I have a chance.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
bodies and stuff
I've been going through a quarterlife crisis over the past few days. Today I resolved to read some Ensign articles on motherhood. This one had an interesting point, which I bring up only because I've been writing about fitness on here.
And I quote from the article:
My mom told me all the time while I was a teenager, that I needed to prepare for motherhood by taking care of my body. I kind of rolled my eyes at it because I felt like, really? You think I'll be having kids anytime soon?
...and then I got married a few weeks after turning 20 and yeah, I had my first kid less than three years thereafter.
My mom taught me that a body needs five years of good diet and nutrition to prepare for healthy kids. I do regret not paying more attention to my body sooner. During my pregnancy, I know I ate WAY too many potato chips and FunDips. And don't even get me started on Doritos.
...mmmh Doritos.
Our current scientific understand of fetal development is so limited. I truly do wonder about the impacts of my teenage self's and pregnant self's diets on Nathaniel. And I know I need to be better about my food for the next kid I have, whenever that is.
Don't make your diet something you regret when you get around to having children. Maybe you're like I was when I was 19 and sure I wouldn't get married anytime soon--that is to say, WRONG and eating a terrible diet. As a woman, taking care of your body isn't just for you. It's for your children.
[/fitness rant]
And I quote from the article:
In view of these pressures [to put off motherhood], I was glad my commitment [to being a mother] had begun early. I paid careful attention to diet and exercise from my early teens on, because I wanted to provide my future children with healthy bodies.
My mom told me all the time while I was a teenager, that I needed to prepare for motherhood by taking care of my body. I kind of rolled my eyes at it because I felt like, really? You think I'll be having kids anytime soon?
...and then I got married a few weeks after turning 20 and yeah, I had my first kid less than three years thereafter.
My mom taught me that a body needs five years of good diet and nutrition to prepare for healthy kids. I do regret not paying more attention to my body sooner. During my pregnancy, I know I ate WAY too many potato chips and FunDips. And don't even get me started on Doritos.
...mmmh Doritos.
Our current scientific understand of fetal development is so limited. I truly do wonder about the impacts of my teenage self's and pregnant self's diets on Nathaniel. And I know I need to be better about my food for the next kid I have, whenever that is.
Don't make your diet something you regret when you get around to having children. Maybe you're like I was when I was 19 and sure I wouldn't get married anytime soon--that is to say, WRONG and eating a terrible diet. As a woman, taking care of your body isn't just for you. It's for your children.
[/fitness rant]
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
DC Opportunity Scholarship Program
I love The Heritage Foundation, and Virginia Walden Ford, whom I have had the pleasure of meeting several times in her fight for the D.C. Opportunity Scholarship Program.
She recently blogged at Heritage and I hope you check it out.
In her honor, I created this pin. You can check out the first pin I ever made here.
I feel like a pinning genius, yo.
She recently blogged at Heritage and I hope you check it out.
In her honor, I created this pin. You can check out the first pin I ever made here.
I feel like a pinning genius, yo.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
sweet moments
Today I asked Carl if he would put Nathaniel on the ground while I worked. My plan was to watch him as I typed.
Carl didn't return for a while, even though he had work to do, too. Finally I looked for him. He and Nathaniel were sitting just around the corner, playing ball together. It was so sweet I could hardly stand it. I had one of those moments where I just realized that Nathaniel won't be so little for very long, so I had better treasure it. I have a few of those moments I've tried to tattoo on my heart. I treasure them all.
Just now I was trying to get Nathaniel to go to sleep. Over the past few days, he's done this thing where he gets super tired--you can tell from the circles under his eyes and how he rubs his eyes with his hands--but he cries if I try to nurse him down to sleep. So it takes some effort now. We turn off all the lights, and I snuggle him and try to nurse him in the complete darkness.
Just now I was getting a little frustrated, because he was clearly very tired but he just wanted to be going! going! going! I looked at the time and said I would try to nurse him for 15 minutes and if he were still awake after that, I would give up and turn on the lights and finish everything up with him awake.
Lo and behold, four minutes later he was sound asleep. He is sleeping beside me this very moment. I need to remember that he is a total n00b to being alive here. He doesn't know how to handle his body. I have to help him learn things even as simple as going to sleep at proper times. I have to be patient with him.
Here, you should read this great essay from my friend Lanette on being a mom.
Over and out.
Carl didn't return for a while, even though he had work to do, too. Finally I looked for him. He and Nathaniel were sitting just around the corner, playing ball together. It was so sweet I could hardly stand it. I had one of those moments where I just realized that Nathaniel won't be so little for very long, so I had better treasure it. I have a few of those moments I've tried to tattoo on my heart. I treasure them all.
Just now I was trying to get Nathaniel to go to sleep. Over the past few days, he's done this thing where he gets super tired--you can tell from the circles under his eyes and how he rubs his eyes with his hands--but he cries if I try to nurse him down to sleep. So it takes some effort now. We turn off all the lights, and I snuggle him and try to nurse him in the complete darkness.
Just now I was getting a little frustrated, because he was clearly very tired but he just wanted to be going! going! going! I looked at the time and said I would try to nurse him for 15 minutes and if he were still awake after that, I would give up and turn on the lights and finish everything up with him awake.
Lo and behold, four minutes later he was sound asleep. He is sleeping beside me this very moment. I need to remember that he is a total n00b to being alive here. He doesn't know how to handle his body. I have to help him learn things even as simple as going to sleep at proper times. I have to be patient with him.
Here, you should read this great essay from my friend Lanette on being a mom.
Over and out.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
too many clothes
Lately, yes, Pinterest has been inspiring me with my thoughts on clothing. I've seen a bunch of pins on organization that have got me thinking, and one thing that keeps coming back to me is the idea that I have way too much clutter.
I do believe that every person's external self is more or less an accurate reflection of their inner self. Terrifying, no? But I have seen it over and over again: the way we live our lives in one thing is how we live our lives in everything.
I have two closets filled with clothes right now. Seriously. And more clothes packed away because, well.
- Because my Nana gave me that sweater when I was nine and it would be a real shame to lose it. Will it ever fit me again? No. If it did, would I wear it? No. It's not really my style now. But it's sentimental.
- Because maybe one day I will suddenly lose my sense of taste and really want to wear those ugly skirts I inherited from someone I can't even remember. Can't even remember who gave 'em to me and they don't even fit--and I think they're ugly--but maybe one time they will fit me and I will like them!
- Because my mom bought it for me and if I get rid of it, she'll be offended. Have I ever worn it? Of course not. Will I ever wear it? Probably not. Didn't wear it the first five years I owned it. But it was a gift!
- Because what if one time I need that particular item of clothing for a reason I can't currently think of?
- Because I'm entering those motherhood stages of life, and when I'm pregnant I need one wardrobe and when I'm not pregnant I need a whole other one.
- Because my mom always got mad when I wanted to give away my clothes growing up, because she thought my sister could use them. (My sister then grew up and is now taller than me. Yeah, hand-me-downs are not so helpful now.)
- Because maybe one day there will be an emergency and I'll need all these clothes for some reason.
~~~~
Okay. I have approximately a zillion items of clothing that I don't wear ever, will likely not ever wear, and I keep them why?
But I think it's possible that my whole life is like that. I wonder a lot if the reason I have held on to my unwanted weight for so long is because I just hold onto things I don't need, no matter what the sphere is.
Like the time I went to a convention of farmers to talk to them about tax law and returned home with like 10 jars of jalapeno-strawberry jam (okay. I was seventeen). Which I didn't even like that jam. But they gave it away at the conference and I HAD TO KEEP IT.
For the record, no, I am not a hoarder and I love throwing things away. Also, I have never been actually overweight. But I sure wouldn't mind being fit both inside and out. And I think this process will entail shedding some excess baggage. Possibly in the form of clothing that:
- doesn't fit.
- is ugly.
- was unwanted in the first place.
- I never wear.
I decided that when I get to my goal weight, which I haven't really decided what that is yet, but I'll know when I get there, I will reward myself with a new wardrobe.
This is what it will consist of.
And that's all.
That's all that I want.
I have a million items of clothing and really, I only wear like 2 pairs of pants, 4 skirts, 2 dresses, 2 cardigans, and many 10-14 tops I just cycle on through. So why do I have two entire closets full of clothes?
Dude. Do you realize--I have like 7 workout shirts. Seven shirts--all of them from campaigns or church functions where they only ordered size L, XL, and XXL, and I actually kept the shirts. WHY? I do laundry every two days. I do not need to wear seven workout shirts in two days. Why do I still own them? WHY CAN'T I GET RID OF THEM?!?!?
I think cutting down on this baggage in my life will help a lot. I think when I am finally able to let go of the sentimentality, and the expectations, and the fears, and the rest of the emotions that come with keeping tons of excess clothing, it'll help me cut out the rest of the stupid clutter in my life. Getting rid of clothes I don't need will be a symbol in my life, a signal to tell the rest of my life that I can actually really afford to downsize, to cut things out and focus on only the stuff I need and use. Only the stuff that matters.
This, for the record, is why I do not share my mother's passion for decorating. So much stuff just makes my little soul tie itself in sad yucky knots. Yeah, it's cool to go into my mom's house and see 49 Christmas trees decked to the hilt in season appropriate decor, but the thought of storing all those trees in my house--and wasting my own time decorating them--oh yikes. I'm glad she does it and loves it, but I was happy to just have one tree this year. I'm so glad that Christmas decorations only take up one small pile in my attic, instead of an entire room in my attic.
Attic clutter is still clutter.
I want my life to be organized. I want the things in my life to have purpose. I don't ever want to have to waste my time maintaining something I don't care about (i.e., the extra clothes in my closet).
Maybe in this aspect, less can be more.
I do believe that every person's external self is more or less an accurate reflection of their inner self. Terrifying, no? But I have seen it over and over again: the way we live our lives in one thing is how we live our lives in everything.
I have two closets filled with clothes right now. Seriously. And more clothes packed away because, well.
- Because my Nana gave me that sweater when I was nine and it would be a real shame to lose it. Will it ever fit me again? No. If it did, would I wear it? No. It's not really my style now. But it's sentimental.
- Because maybe one day I will suddenly lose my sense of taste and really want to wear those ugly skirts I inherited from someone I can't even remember. Can't even remember who gave 'em to me and they don't even fit--and I think they're ugly--but maybe one time they will fit me and I will like them!
- Because my mom bought it for me and if I get rid of it, she'll be offended. Have I ever worn it? Of course not. Will I ever wear it? Probably not. Didn't wear it the first five years I owned it. But it was a gift!
- Because what if one time I need that particular item of clothing for a reason I can't currently think of?
- Because I'm entering those motherhood stages of life, and when I'm pregnant I need one wardrobe and when I'm not pregnant I need a whole other one.
- Because my mom always got mad when I wanted to give away my clothes growing up, because she thought my sister could use them. (My sister then grew up and is now taller than me. Yeah, hand-me-downs are not so helpful now.)
- Because maybe one day there will be an emergency and I'll need all these clothes for some reason.
~~~~
Okay. I have approximately a zillion items of clothing that I don't wear ever, will likely not ever wear, and I keep them why?
But I think it's possible that my whole life is like that. I wonder a lot if the reason I have held on to my unwanted weight for so long is because I just hold onto things I don't need, no matter what the sphere is.
Like the time I went to a convention of farmers to talk to them about tax law and returned home with like 10 jars of jalapeno-strawberry jam (okay. I was seventeen). Which I didn't even like that jam. But they gave it away at the conference and I HAD TO KEEP IT.
For the record, no, I am not a hoarder and I love throwing things away. Also, I have never been actually overweight. But I sure wouldn't mind being fit both inside and out. And I think this process will entail shedding some excess baggage. Possibly in the form of clothing that:
- doesn't fit.
- is ugly.
- was unwanted in the first place.
- I never wear.
I decided that when I get to my goal weight, which I haven't really decided what that is yet, but I'll know when I get there, I will reward myself with a new wardrobe.
This is what it will consist of.
- two pairs of jeans, dark wash
- one pair of slacks, black
- five skirts
- two dresses
- ten to fourteen tops
- maybe as many as four cardigans but I should really just make it two but I love them so maybe as many as four ::cardigan love::
- a light jacket
- a winter coat
- a pair of everyday shoes
- a pair of black nice shoes
- a pair of bone nice shoes (just because those are required for my choir)
And that's all.
That's all that I want.
I have a million items of clothing and really, I only wear like 2 pairs of pants, 4 skirts, 2 dresses, 2 cardigans, and many 10-14 tops I just cycle on through. So why do I have two entire closets full of clothes?
Dude. Do you realize--I have like 7 workout shirts. Seven shirts--all of them from campaigns or church functions where they only ordered size L, XL, and XXL, and I actually kept the shirts. WHY? I do laundry every two days. I do not need to wear seven workout shirts in two days. Why do I still own them? WHY CAN'T I GET RID OF THEM?!?!?
I think cutting down on this baggage in my life will help a lot. I think when I am finally able to let go of the sentimentality, and the expectations, and the fears, and the rest of the emotions that come with keeping tons of excess clothing, it'll help me cut out the rest of the stupid clutter in my life. Getting rid of clothes I don't need will be a symbol in my life, a signal to tell the rest of my life that I can actually really afford to downsize, to cut things out and focus on only the stuff I need and use. Only the stuff that matters.
This, for the record, is why I do not share my mother's passion for decorating. So much stuff just makes my little soul tie itself in sad yucky knots. Yeah, it's cool to go into my mom's house and see 49 Christmas trees decked to the hilt in season appropriate decor, but the thought of storing all those trees in my house--and wasting my own time decorating them--oh yikes. I'm glad she does it and loves it, but I was happy to just have one tree this year. I'm so glad that Christmas decorations only take up one small pile in my attic, instead of an entire room in my attic.
Attic clutter is still clutter.
I want my life to be organized. I want the things in my life to have purpose. I don't ever want to have to waste my time maintaining something I don't care about (i.e., the extra clothes in my closet).
Maybe in this aspect, less can be more.
baby is crawling!
Nathaniel turned 7 months old on Monday, and the very next day, also known as Valentine's day, he surprised us (not really) by taking his first crawling steps. REAL crawling. Today he built on that fine accomplishment, crawling several feet at a time, over and over throughout the day. I will add that the first day he figured it out, he did it about five times.
So, yep. Got a crawler now. I'm really proud of him. What a little rock star.
I will point out that six weeks ago, my mother said that he would be crawling within six weeks. This week she predicted that he would be walking before he is 10 months old. We'll see! The race is on!
So, yep. Got a crawler now. I'm really proud of him. What a little rock star.
I will point out that six weeks ago, my mother said that he would be crawling within six weeks. This week she predicted that he would be walking before he is 10 months old. We'll see! The race is on!
Monday, February 13, 2012
rather than writing... or, the gap
Rather than writing, I will over-analyze my writing.
I have always loved to write.
I have little stories that I wrote when I was so small--stories my mom had to write down for me because I didn't know how to write yet. They're funny and imaginative (for a four-year-old anyway).
As a kid growing up, I would write stories all the time. I have binders full of stories in my attic now. Stories about all sorts of weird crap only a nine-year-old would think of.
Then in high school I could barely stop writing. I wrote hundreds of thousands of words in high school, on tons of different projects. I started something like 8 novels in high school. Of course, didn't finish any of them (though some came close).
In college I started doing NaNo and really focusing. I completed two novels, a sci-fi and a fantasy. The sci-fi sucked, I'm sure. The fantasy, eh. Could be better. I've rewritten it now, oh, like 6 hundred bazillion times. It's getting there.
I love to write because I love sentences. I don't know what it is about those guys. I love 'em. I just heart 'em with a million lovey dovey hearts. Good sentences just make me want to hug things.
Bad sentences make me want to hit things.
Grammar is my homeboy. I love it. I love understanding it and I love messing with it and using it and strategically not using it.
I love utilizing white space--e.e. cummings is my hero for that.
I love layers of meaning, like T.S. Elliot mastered. He is so cool.
I love to write because I love how words look, how they work, what they mean. I just love words and how they fit together. They are beautiful puzzle pieces that you can put together however you want, to mean whatever you want, however many times you want to. How amazing is that?
Because I love writing and patterns and structure, it follows that I like to write stories. I love it. But I always feel lacking in the inspiration department.
Recently I had what I thought was a good idea for a story, and I snowflaked the crizzap outta that sucker and now I have no real motivation to write it.
I started writing a story to go along with the writing exercise I did the other day, but now I'm 7000 words in and have no idea where it's going.
This year, I resolved to complete four novels. Didn't matter which ones they were, if they were new or old ones I've put on the shelf. So far I have not really come close to finishing any and my first deadline is in March. I need to be accountable.
Here is a pin, since all my inspiration comes from Pinterest these days (possibly sad, but extremely true):
I think this is my big problem. The stuff I write is rarely as good as I want it to be.
Sometimes I get it just right. Just so perfect I fall in love with that one passage--regardless of whether or not it belongs anywhere in the fine world of literature.
And sometimes, most of the time, I'll get it partially right, or even mostly right, but that one niggling mistake just gnaws at me until I fix it. It's hard to complete anything when you are so set on perfecting every little thing you write down.
I AM GOING TO FINISH THE FOUR NOVELS THIS YEAR SO HELP ME.
This is my commitment to you, blogosphere. Make me keep it.
I have always loved to write.
I have little stories that I wrote when I was so small--stories my mom had to write down for me because I didn't know how to write yet. They're funny and imaginative (for a four-year-old anyway).
As a kid growing up, I would write stories all the time. I have binders full of stories in my attic now. Stories about all sorts of weird crap only a nine-year-old would think of.
Then in high school I could barely stop writing. I wrote hundreds of thousands of words in high school, on tons of different projects. I started something like 8 novels in high school. Of course, didn't finish any of them (though some came close).
In college I started doing NaNo and really focusing. I completed two novels, a sci-fi and a fantasy. The sci-fi sucked, I'm sure. The fantasy, eh. Could be better. I've rewritten it now, oh, like 6 hundred bazillion times. It's getting there.
I love to write because I love sentences. I don't know what it is about those guys. I love 'em. I just heart 'em with a million lovey dovey hearts. Good sentences just make me want to hug things.
Bad sentences make me want to hit things.
Grammar is my homeboy. I love it. I love understanding it and I love messing with it and using it and strategically not using it.
I love utilizing white space--e.e. cummings is my hero for that.
I love layers of meaning, like T.S. Elliot mastered. He is so cool.
I love to write because I love how words look, how they work, what they mean. I just love words and how they fit together. They are beautiful puzzle pieces that you can put together however you want, to mean whatever you want, however many times you want to. How amazing is that?
Because I love writing and patterns and structure, it follows that I like to write stories. I love it. But I always feel lacking in the inspiration department.
Recently I had what I thought was a good idea for a story, and I snowflaked the crizzap outta that sucker and now I have no real motivation to write it.
I started writing a story to go along with the writing exercise I did the other day, but now I'm 7000 words in and have no idea where it's going.
This year, I resolved to complete four novels. Didn't matter which ones they were, if they were new or old ones I've put on the shelf. So far I have not really come close to finishing any and my first deadline is in March. I need to be accountable.
Here is a pin, since all my inspiration comes from Pinterest these days (possibly sad, but extremely true):
Source: thepipersson.tumblr.com via Allie on Pinterest
I think this is my big problem. The stuff I write is rarely as good as I want it to be.
Sometimes I get it just right. Just so perfect I fall in love with that one passage--regardless of whether or not it belongs anywhere in the fine world of literature.
And sometimes, most of the time, I'll get it partially right, or even mostly right, but that one niggling mistake just gnaws at me until I fix it. It's hard to complete anything when you are so set on perfecting every little thing you write down.
I AM GOING TO FINISH THE FOUR NOVELS THIS YEAR SO HELP ME.
This is my commitment to you, blogosphere. Make me keep it.
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