sick bleh

I've had the weirdest head cold over the past four days. Four? It started on Sunday. Who knows how many days that is. Every day it's different. One day it's a sore throat. The next it's a sinus thing. The next it's both. The next it's a cough. Today it's weird everything plus generous helpings of dizziness. I think that's mostly because I haven't been able to eat a lot and Nathaniel and my sickness have made it so for the past week I've only slept about three hours per night.

I had Carl drop me off at my mom's house this morning so I can be ready to get James off the bus and not have to worry about driving. But now the problem is, my baby is a creeper! He is creeping everywhere! I put him in the middle of the living room, and suddenly he's trying to lick some shoes someone left in the kitchen. I don't feel safe carrying him, though. So I just follow him around and try to distract him with baby toys when he starts wanting to play with, say, shoes or dust or whatever.

Can't fall asleep because someone has to watch the baby always, and I'm the only one here.

How do you other moms out there handle being way sick AND having a mobile baby who doesn't get when things are dangerous?

on knowing others and the self

I recently read a blog where a friend noticed that she and her boyfriend viewed things differently. They have different ideas about how things should work, and different thought processes, and she wondered if that was something wrong with her relationship.

Almost every day I am stricken with the idea that the people around me live lives that I can never comprehend. Even the people I know best--my mother, Heather, my husband--they all have thoughts I will never know, they will think things I will never get to hear, and they will process things and thoughts in ways I will never understand, in ways that could never make sense to me.

I'm reading a book by Orson Scott Card on characters in fiction, and he argues that characters are the reason we are driven to fiction: immersing oneself in the mind of a character in a book is the closest anyone can come to truly knowing another person. Fiction is as close as it gets to fully knowing and understanding another person's innermost thoughts and feelings and ideas.

I think he's right. I think that's why in a way fiction is very important: it is the one avenue through which we can all practice immersing ourselves in the soul of another. It is the only place we can pretend we really know someone other than ourselves.

So I will say--my husband and I have different thought processes. We filter things differently. There are things I am very into that Carl will probably just never get. And there are things he is very into that I will never get. And he is the one person in the world who knows me best, and I am the one person in the world who knows him best. If even we can't fully understand each other, who can really understand anybody? While it's true we've only been married for three years, the fact remains: even fifty years from now, I will not fully understand everything he's thinking, when he thinks it. And even if I did, I wouldn't know why he was thinking it.

This is part of what makes the Atonement of Jesus Christ so amazing. The Atonement, or At-One-Ment, gives Him insight into our souls that no one else is privy to. While Carl will never fully see things through the lens of my mind, Christ has and does and will. The Gospel of Jesus Christ never ceases to amaze me. The idea that Someone could fully understand me--and not just me, but you and everyone else on this planet--is miraculous and huge in a way that I cannot comprehend.

Anyway. Thoughts?

on cleaning

I only have a sec because the baby is sleeping and I'm not done with what I want to be done with--

My aunt told me once that she timed herself doing her chores, so that she would know how long everything took to do. She said that it took away her excuses once she knew that it only took one minute to make a bed, for example.

I just started timing myself this morning, while my baby has been asleep. Turns out, it only take 8 minutes to scrub all the main stairs. Also, only takes 15 minutes to completely scrub the kitchen floor. Only takes like 1 or 2 minutes to get the laundry started. How much more can I accomplish this morning before he wakes up???

teething

Nathaniel has been teething like crazy today. It looks miserable. A friend came over in the morning and swore she could feel three or even four separate teeth coming in. Last time he bit my knuckle, I could feel at least two very sharp things. Poor kid!

I gave him a medicine binky of Motrin, and he started to do a lot better. I have a whole tube of Orajel floating around somewhere that I can't find.

He's been chewing on everything: his fingers, my fingers, toys, bibs. We tried to help him use a walker the other night, but he just kept on chewing the handle. It was pretty funny.

I'm not super excited for his teeth to come in, but now that they're serious and right near the surface, I think I'd rather have them out and over with. Teething seems like the worst.

funny nursing story

A night before Christmas Eve, all of us in Carl's family were gathered together for dinner and games and family time. During a game, Nathaniel got hungry. So I stealth-nursed him, which is what I call it when I have to nurse uncovered in public and just count on my nursing clothes to keep things discreet (which they thankfully do--apparently. Hence this story).

My little cousin Henry was next to me at the time, and he kept on poking Nathaniel, wanting to play.

"Please stop. He's eating," I told Henry.

"Oh," said Henry. He looked at Nathaniel, then back to me.

"Why is he eating your shirt?" he asked.

Good question.

"Well, you know--" I started.

"Why is he eating your shirt? WHY IS HE EATING YOUR SHIRT???"

"He's clearly the youngest child," his mom told me.

I never ended up answering the question.

army crawling

I think it's safe to say that as of today, January 5, 2012, Baby D is army crawling with proficiency. He's not perfect at it yet, but he can sure get around. I look away for five seconds and he's off his mat and trying to catch the cat.

(Don't worry, the cat got away just in time.)

Right now, he's crawled all the way around my brother's chair. It is amazing to me that just last week, he was still figuring out how to scoot around like this. Now he's a champ.

Nathaniel has been doing really well. He's such a happy guy; I am so blessed. Last night he whacked his head on something hard--no idea what it was--but I found him moments later with a giant welt on his head. He screamed maybe four times, and then settled down to cuddle with his mom. Yes, with a giant red swelling on his head. I know if it were me, I would just keep screaming, but I guess this little boy just doesn't see the value in screaming like crazy after the initial shock of pain has gone.

He is almost six months old.

Other random Nathaniel news:

- he is sitting pretty well by himself, though occasionally he still falls over

- he loves to play with James's toys, and it always boggles my mind that a regular baby would want to play with toys for handicapped people :^P (the joke is that James's toys were designed for babies)

- his favorite time of the day is morning, right when he wakes up

- overall, he is a happy kid!

Happy New Year!

In with the new! Out with the old!

A whole lot of people I've talked to lately have had negative things to say about 2011. But I have to say, it was a fantastic year for us.

Carl found a job he likes.

I lost a job I loathed.

We got a house.

We had a baby.

We met our dearest friends.

We saw Carl's family twice.

We went to Disneyland.

I learned to like my calling.

We got a free piano.

I got two new sets of scriptures and Carl got a toaster (at last!!).

My brother got off his mission.

This has been a blessed year for us. I can only hope this year is as good as the last.